Effective Communication
In this episode, we're joined by Monique Russell and we discuss how to communicate more effectively in your career.
We talk about why you need to understand your communication style, how to make networking work for you and why investing in therapy can help you improve your communication skills.
Monique Russell is the communications expert you want on your team. She teaches global leaders and teams on how to turn likes into loves using effective communications tools and strategies.
Organizations like the Centers for Disease Control, Verizon, Intel, Equifax, and the world’s busiest airport, Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International, trust Monique to guide them in implementing communication strategies that foster connection, community, creativity, and courage. You can too!
Monique has 20 years of experience in the science of Communications and leads Clear Communication Solutions – an international training, coaching, and consulting firm that focuses on confidently communicating from the inside out.
Her upcoming book, Intentional Motherhood focuses on the belief that Motherhood is about identity and not age.
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Transcript
Aisha Suleiman 0:00
Hello and welcome to The World in Her Words where we inspire Black women and women of colour to take control of their careers through sharing strategies, advice, and inspirational stories.
I’m your host Aisha Suleiman. To check out more of our content, sign up to our mailing list or to say hello go to our website theworldinherwords.com
Today's guest is Monique Russell. Monique is the communications expert you want on your team. She teaches global leaders and teams how to turn likes into loves using effective communication tools and strategies. Monique has has 20 years experience in the science of communications and leads clear communication solutions, which is an international training, coaching and consulting firm that focuses on confidently communicating from the inside out. Her upcoming book intentional motherhood focuses on the belief that motherhood is about identity and not age. Welcome to the show. Monique.
Monique Russell 1:13
Thank you, Aisha. I'm excited for our conversation today. You and me both.
Aisha Suleiman 1:19
So you've been in the field of communication for quite some time, I mean, 20 years, that's, that's amazing. How did you sort of know that this was your calling?
Monique Russell 1:28
Oh, my gosh. So um, I didn't know. It was my calling. My calling kind of found me. I grew up in the beautiful islands of the Bahamas. And fortunately, my mom was able to expose me to a lot of extracurricular activities early on. And I will always say, especially for parents, like figuring out or paying attention to the things that your children tend to enjoy early on, like, I always started with my dolls and my stuffed animals, teaching speaking in front of them. And so she was able to put me into Performing Arts put me in drama put me in theatre, in national debate teams. And from there, the passion just exploded. So when I went off to school, I wanted to go off and be an international broadcast journalist. That was my goal, to do investigative stories, talk about what people are afraid to talk about really doing this, this, you know, Expo, they travelling all over the world. But that was my plan. And it didn't actually turned out quite that way. But what I am doing today is very much journalism work, where I get to investigate what's holding people back, and help them to uncover ways to move towards their goals with effective communication skills and strategies.
Aisha Suleiman 2:59
That's amazing. You know, it's really interesting how, you know, you set off on one path, and you're like, this is what I'm gonna do. And then somehow, you still end up doing what you want it to do, but your method has sort of changed. Yeah, I
Monique Russell 3:12
always come back to the source. You know, we always come back to it, I think we're all born with this innate gift within us. And it's really up to our village, our community, and the people around us to help shine that light, to say, hey, these are some of the qualities I see in you, these are some of your intrinsic gifts. And we're fortunate if we have those, that community and if we don't, then we'll find it on our own. Once we're open or we have had enough hardship and hard knocks in life, we will buck our head against the wall and find out, you know, eventually, hopefully, what we're really called to do. Definitely,
Aisha Suleiman 3:53
yep, strongly believe in that. So speaking of community, then what are some of the common mistakes you see women making when they communicate?
Monique Russell 4:01
Okay, so common mistakes is, or I would say, just areas of lack of awareness. And so I'll say a lot of times, we tend to not have that deep understanding that we are wired to communicate in a certain way or in a particular dominant way. And then, once we're able to understand these angles and aspects from psychology and from the science of communications, then it helps to open our world see that, wow, I actually tend to communicate in a way where I want them to have much more detailed information, much more factual information, or, like, you know, we did in the beginning, before this episode, we communicated and we had some building of rapport, you know, so that is that that is a strategy or a tool that you'll use in the workplace. Especially if you know that this is something that you like to do. So for example, if you run into someone who has an opposite communication style, you may feel that it's difficult to connect with them, or they just don't get you. Or, you know, they're not a team player. Because your style is more conversational, it's more friendly, more outgoing, whereas they may be a bit more reserved or withdrawn, or analytical tend to be observing before they actually jump in. But it's not that they're not a team player. It's just that that understanding of communications and styles and personalities is missing. For once we have it, I find in my practice, especially for the women that I work with, it's almost like this aha moment, like, oh, my god, yes. How did you know that? So I feel this is one area of, of growth for women to communicate more effectively in the workplace.
Aisha Suleiman 6:00
Aha. So it's, what you're saying is, you know, everyone has a different communication style. And if you don't sort of understand someone else's communication style, they you can't communicate to them in a way that's going to be effective.
Monique Russell 6:13
Absolutely, absolutely. It's all about awareness and understanding. And continuing along with that, that's really just kind of the high level. So I mean, I will give you an example, there was a lady that I worked with, and in her organisation, she was extremely successful at getting the job done. But in terms of building relationships, that work, that was an area of opportunity. And it was just a blind spot, she didn't know, and she didn't see why she just expected that, you know, people would see her great work and see the results. And she didn't really have to repeat the results, articulate them in multiple ways, or advocate in different ways and build sponsors, sponsor relationships, so that people could advocate for her when she wasn't in the room. And so once we were able to identify some of her gaps, and her areas of opportunity, that coupled with the fact that she was already doing good work, it just allowed her to become more visible, and with a visible with visibility at work, along with good performance results. I mean, it's, it's almost like a no brainer, you're going to get more more chances to have doors open for you.
Aisha Suleiman 7:29
I really love how you say areas of opportunity. Instead of areas of development, I feel like that just raises the whole thing, and I'm gonna steal that from you.
Monique Russell 7:40
Well, hey, it's all about language is so important. We could say the same thing in different ways and get different results. It's all about understanding your audience and who you are communicating to.
Aisha Suleiman 7:52
Absolutely, absolutely. So to your point about her sort of learning how to build those relationships, then what's your take on networking in your career? Do you think that networking is really important, you know, build those relationships, get those people sort of advocating for you when you're not in the room, as you say? And how do you do that?
Monique Russell 8:13
Well, no man is an island. No man stands alone. And we are born for community and we're born for connection, anyone that tells you, I don't need anybody, I'm good by myself. They're just in denial, and then not in in an awared state. Because as humans, we definitely need to feel connection, we need to feel belonging. So networking is essential, especially if you are trying to move up in your career. If you are a business owner, like I work with a lot of women business owners. And I will tell you that once you get into that entrepreneurial position, you already know networking is a must. You may pull that off when you're in the corporate space. You could say I don't want to network with anybody. And that's good. You still going to get your paycheck. But if you are a business owner, you have to network to get clients to get contracts to build relationships. It's an absolute must. But here's the thing. I think most people tend to go about networking wrong. And when I say that, I mean it's all about what can I get out of it? What's in it for me, oh, I've gone to this networking event and the people there are just blah or there's, you know, it's just fake and artificial. But if you use emotional intelligence strategies, and you're aware about yourself and how you communicate and you set goals for yourself, it doesn't matter where you go, you will find a successful networking experience. It doesn't matter where you go, because you are the networker. The networker is in within you. So I always say instead of this whole spray and pray approached, you can go with spray and pray and think you're going to build relationships. You know, maybe you have a goal to connect with one or two people, but really think about giving because, you know, think about how you can help instead of just, what can I do to get?
Okay. So rather than thinking about what you're getting from the situation, when you go into networking, think about what you can give to others. Is that part of, you know, the goal thing that you mentioned. So if your goal is always to give people I guess your you're always going to find someone who wants something, I guess
you will always find someone who wants something, even if it's just the gift of your attention to actually pay attention. And listen, you know, how many events you go to? And the person Oh, hi, what do you do? And before you could even finish there, they're already looking across the room. Not really interested in what you're saying is like, get out of here, man, don't even ask me the question. Why are you asking me the question? When you can't even pay attention? Seriously, when I'm saying what can you give it requires you to be an effective listener to give the gift of your time to really find out how you can help the person that you're talking to. And for me, I'm very intentional about how I choose to network because I am a lifelong learner. So I tend to network and learning environments more effectively. And I'll give an example mom not too long ago, recently, I participated in a social justice summit. And the social justice summit was a week long summit two hours a day, I was a participant, but I also facilitated breakout rooms, three days during the week, and this was specifically for coaches and healers and leaders who are not afraid to embrace coaching conversations about race, it seems that this one area and this one topic people tend to shy away from, they get very uncomfortable, they get very triggered. And all the coaching training goes out the window. But this week, I was able to not this week, last week, I was able to participate in the summit. And from there you have a group of people that are learning and out of that learning experience are going to connect with a few people. So from from that learning experience, I've already set up to continue networking at it on a deeper level with a handful of people from that experience. That's how I tend to be strategic about how I want to network.
Aisha Suleiman 12:42
I love that. And I'm wondering if we can do what you did with areas of opportunity and, and come up with a new name for networking. What about having candid conversations?
Unknown Speaker 12:55
That's good. That's good. That's good.
Monique Russell 12:58
But you know, I think it is difficult to get away from a negative branding, but it's also how you choose to see it. So when I hear the word networking, I don't cringe, or it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable because of how I choose to see it. And that's exactly what I tell my clients, you know, don't don't be caught up in the status quo, or be caught up in what everyone wants you to think. So if you think that, oh, because I'm a woman, I'm gonna have a hard time moving up. And because I'm a woman, I'm gonna have difficulty getting promoted. If you start from that vantage point, and you allow the social conditioning beliefs and thoughts to lead your thoughts and your decisions, it will be tough. And this is not to say that women don't have it harder, or have more challenges. There are definitely challenges related to gender, and barriers that are placed because of gender. I just don't encourage people to leave with the barriers, because that's not how you move towards your goal effectively. And that's not how you communicate effectively.
Aisha Suleiman 14:07
Oh, absolutely. I agree with that. It's almost my philosophy is be aware of the barriers, be aware of the bias or the challenges, but still put your best foot forward. And don't let that hold you back. Because exactly, as you said, it affects your mindset. If you already think that you're not going to be successful, that's going to affect the effort that you put in as well.
Monique Russell 14:27
Yeah, and it's and to be honest, it's difficult for most people to do on your own. Because we're conditioned with that belief from very early on, even from you know, young girls, that those images, movies, TV, news, even phrases that are passed down, you'll hear you have to be twice as good. You have to work twice as hard. You'll hear these messages consciously and subconsciously and so it's hard to break away from it on your own. And that's why I am a firm lever in using all the tools available, your community coaching, therapy, sponsorship, all of the tools available to you, so that you can break free from those beliefs and choose to pursue the goals that you want.
Aisha Suleiman 15:17
Absolutely, I love the fact that you mentioned therapy, I'm a massive advocate for therapy. I've written about this, on my site, three reasons to try therapy. And I really just feel like it would be great if it was more accessible for a lot of people. I think when you go through therapy, and you uncover a lot of your self limiting beliefs, then you start looking at other people thinking, I want to introduce you to this great thing called therapy, it's gonna change your life.
Monique Russell 15:44
It will literally change your life, it will listen, I always tell people don't give me no physical gifts for my birthday and things like that I forgive me, sessions to a very effective because I already know what's going to come out on the other side of that, you know, people, people tend to invest in what they believe in, they invest in their homes, they think they, you know, invest in their education, they believe in those things. But if we could change that mindset that say, you know, I'm investing in myself, I'm my biggest asset. There's a lot of people walking around here with multiple degrees that are not using those degrees that are still paying for those degrees. But if you invest in your mind, your mindset, oh, my goodness, those are life long, lifelong investments. It's just really mind tool of my mind tools and mental fitness tools.
Aisha Suleiman 16:43
Yeah, it's it's priceless. Basically, I think that's the best way I can put it. All right, well, speaking about self limiting beliefs. One thing I hear a lot of women say is, you know, they're worried about being seen as difficult when they're being assertive, you know, they don't want to be seen as the B word, which I won't say, what's your take on that? How can we get women to get comfortable with being assertive and not sort of seeing it as them being difficult?
Monique Russell 17:07
So beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Um, I did a post on self promotion, actually, not too long ago on LinkedIn,
Unknown Speaker 17:16
I saw
Monique Russell 17:18
a lot of activity. Yeah, got a lot of activity. And I have been actually leading several workshops with women this year, on self promotion, and asserting yourself. And so there are so many different beliefs around this, some women will say, Oh, I had one woman say, she was like, she was she was like, what, why? Why are we even talking about promoting ourselves and that's, that's not humbled. And that's not that's not what what women should do. And no, and and the truth is, some people have really hard reaction to it because of the social conditioning. So and then you have people who feel if they see a woman asserting herself, they feel threatened or intimidated or uncomfortable by it, because it's, it's something that they wish they could do, and they're not having the courage to do as well. So my first thing is this, you cannot please everyone, you can't please everyone, all the time. But being assertive is really just getting your point across in a clear way. And, you know, when someone feels as though you're being aggressive, it's really about having the right phrases or tools to clarify or point out some of those biases, the biases are going to come up regardless. And so you have to have the emotional intelligence, you have to have the self awareness, to know that you're coming across in a way that is respectful but clear. Not, you know, demanding, but really understanding who it is that you're speaking to. And I think that public speaking is a great way for you to begin clarifying your message and developing your assertiveness because you have to get your point across and you have multiple opportunities to think about your audience, come up with new strategies, new ways to get the message delivered, instead of just having this one way street of message delivery, maybe the message didn't resonate or land with the person that you were talking to. So you're gonna have to figure out alright, maybe I need to approach this in a different method or approach it in a different way. So my view on women coming across as aggressive is first, get the self awareness and emotional intelligence so you don't feel that way. So you really work through your own mental beliefs internally. And then make sure that you have the external tools so that you are aware of the word choices, the phrase uses the timing the audience, all of these things. take a part in how you are perceived when you're communicating.
Aisha Suleiman 20:08
You know what, I have more questions when I'm going to be honest. So let me paint a scenario. Say, for example, you're in the meeting with someone, you sort of express something to them, which they don't like. And then they say to you, Oh, you know what, Monique, I think you're being aggressive. And you know that, you know, you've developed the self awareness, you have the emotional intelligence, and you know that you're not being aggressive in that moment. How would you sort of respond, I just want to dig into the point that you made about the tools to respond, what are some of the ways you can sort of respond to that?
Monique Russell 20:38
Well, you can always remain curious. And so this, if you have the self awareness, then you will be understanding that that person is viewing their response from their lens. And so you won't be reacting with defensiveness, you will want to get an understanding and get clarity. So you might ask, Why do you say that? Or can you give me an example? What makes you what makes you feel that I'm coming across aggressively? or What was it that I would that I said, you want to get curious to really helped that person to pinpoint what it is, but I will save this, if you are in a meeting, that may not be the time to address that because it can come across as contentious. So you have to assess the meeting that you're in, and you want to correct privately and praise publicly?
Aisha Suleiman 21:35
You know what I like that. I like how you said get curious, I find that that's useful as well when someone says something reckless. So when you're in a conversation with someone, and perhaps they say something that might be racist, or sexist, I find that sometimes just pausing and saying, What do you mean by that? or Why did you say that? Why do you hear because,
Unknown Speaker 21:57
yeah,
Monique Russell 21:58
they have to think about it. And a lot of times, if it's something that is is said, out of anger, frustration, rage, or some sort of ill intent, and you're asking for clarity, they're not going to repeat it. They're not going to repeat the exact thing.
Aisha Suleiman 22:15
Yeah, that's so true. But speaking of meetings, often, one thing I hear women say is they find it difficult to get their voices heard in meetings. Do you have any advice on that? Do you have clients who who have the same complaints? Have you sort of helped them deal with that?
Monique Russell 22:32
Yeah, I had a lady that I worked with, who felt something similar. In fact, she felt her voice was being drowned out or not recognised in the meeting. And we went through the scenarios, we uncovered what the situation was, and she had tools. She has she she had tools to implement while the meeting was going on. But I will tell you this, just because you have the tools to actually do it. That's why I say Google all you want, watch your TED Talks, read your books, but until you are actually in accountability, and you're working on your mindset, all those tools are not going to be effective. And so even though we first worked on the tools, and she didn't use it the first time, the second time, the third week, she still was, you know, there was excuses coming up why she couldn't implement it. So we have to change and focus on really the belief, the feeling and the belief under neath why she didn't want to speak up. I think that it's really a matter of assessing your audience, knowing what to say when to say it, how to contribute, not feeling afraid that you're going to look foolish. A lot of times women don't speak up because they feel that they have to have everything right. Yeah, that whole perfection is them. That perfectionism is crippling women all over the world. It is crippling, and when you look at it, a lot of times we see leaders or we see women in the workplace, and it's it's just a replica of who they were who we were when we were younger children. And a lot of the times the leadership that we that we see at work is leadership that we have observed and what was conditioned when people were younger.
Aisha Suleiman 24:33
Yep, absolutely. I agree with that. And in terms of perfectionism, I think that's that's another topic on its own. But I think that we really need to be patient and kind with others and then also ourselves. What I find is people who were, you know, so hard on others is because they're also pretty hard on themselves. And your point about not speaking up simply because they don't feel like they don't have anything to say. Yeah, that that is one that I hear. very commonly, I feel like with your clients, you have to do a little bit of therapy work with them.
Monique Russell 25:06
No, no, no, no, not at all. Not at all. I am not a licenced therapist, I don't think coaching is about future forward goals. And therapy is about the past, right? So, you know, there's definitely some things that influence how we are able to be coached from our childhood, but those are definitely not areas in my in my wheelhouse. And I will just say to Aisha, as far as the perfectionism and when you talked about kindness and compassion, of self, that is that emotional intelligence. So it's very easy. It's very easy to see someone who is hard on themselves, who has self sabotaging thoughts simply from the way they are treating other people. And I used to be very hard on others. I mean, it was almost like, you couldn't wait to find what was the fault. What was the thing that was wrong? I would go to restaurants and they had a misspelt word on their menu. And I have to tell them, Look, you got a misspelt
Unknown Speaker 26:17
word over here.
Monique Russell 26:20
And, and that is where the perfectionism comes in to. So when you have someone who is such a stickler, I remember this one time, I did a speaking engagement, and I went on stage. And my team, one of my assistants had the my banner, she put my banner on the back in the stage, and I did my talk, it was great. It was wonderful standing ovation. And it was really on the the, you know, powerful acts of ambitious women. That was the title. And I had a long line of people come up to me afterwards. And as I came down the stairs on the side, by the left, I came out to the front. And I spoke with a couple of women, and they were telling me how the talk really inspired them and it moved them. And then there was this one lady, and she was waiting so patiently to speak with me. And when I got to speak with her, she said, I just want you to know that there's an error on your banner, oh, my God, I couldn't hear anything. You said, like, I couldn't hear anything. You said after that. I just couldn't, I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't hear anything. And I was like, I was like, thank you. And then I was I was like, thank you, you know, because I could I could understand where she was coming. And I said to myself, man, you let that one thing prevent you from receiving great information, 40 minutes of great information that could change your life because this thing was bothering you so much. You just had to make sure that you know you shared now The truth is there was an error, my system brought the wrong banner. And so that was legitimate. There's nothing wrong with you know, being given feedback. But when you when you when you say Okay, wow, I, I can't even hear anything, I can't hear the message, I can't receive anything because this is not perfect, then you know that that person is also holding themselves to a very unreasonable and imperfect standard.
Unknown Speaker 28:34
I call about blocking your blessings.
Monique Russell 28:37
That that could be it, but it that could be that could be it. But it's true. I mean, it happens often, you know, so sometimes it's not as extreme. But that that awareness like now, when I see somebody with an error or something, it's really nothing because I know what the message is trying to, you know, to be shared. Or even for myself, sometimes I will catch an error and I will intentionally leave it there. Because I want people to know that I'm human. I think when we try to put these images of perfection out there we do people who are inspired by us such an injustice, because they feel like man, how can I get like that? How can I you know, she does it or he does it this way? And it's not real?
Yeah. It's reality. It's just it's it's a fiction. We're like Disneyland.
Aisha Suleiman 29:38
Yeah. And I think also I think things are sort of changing and people, you know, okay
Unknown Speaker 29:43
with that imperfection, and I feel like when people are authentic and they share those mistakes, it's kind of like, wow, you know, you're human. You're just like me and people can actually relate to that. Absolutely. Especially for women. Women leaders tend to feel that they have to be Perfect. And that creates a barrier for everyone that's coming behind. Because it's like, you know, wow, you got to be perfect. And no, you don't have to be perfect. And plus it doesn't even exist.
Unknown Speaker 30:13
Yeah. And it's just stress, just stress it is. Goodness gracious.
Unknown Speaker 30:19
I have like, I
Monique Russell 30:20
think when when Les Brown told me done is better than perfect. That was my mindset mantra. Yeah, because I had so many things that held me back in the past. And so that's why I really have compassion when I'm working with women. And you have to have compassion, and you have to come from a place of non judgement, it really doesn't matter where you are, you have to be able to coach from a place of non judgement, so that they feel safe, so that you can actually work on what's really holding you back, and then get moved to move towards your goals.
Aisha Suleiman 31:03
Yeah. And I'm wondering, Monique, so something just came to my mind. So speaking of this whole thing around perfectionism, right? Do you think that that is somehow linked to why sometimes as women, we see saying no, as bad, and we're happy to like, burn ourselves out? You know, saying yes to everybody. And when we actually sometimes we should say no, especially in the workplace? Mm hmm.
Monique Russell 31:27
Yeah. Again, those are those are barriers, or I would say, the challenge with saying no, is that you don't have a system for boundaries. You don't have a filtering system for boundaries, you don't have language to use to enforce boundaries. And you don't have the confidence in yourself to say, this is what I need. This is what I'm working on. Which one do you want to have me focus on? And so instead, what women or I would, I wouldn't even just say women that what people tend to do is there's a there's a situation or a decision that needs to be made. And so that decision is now taken to the friend, the partner, the Mother, the Father, what do you think I should do? What do you think I should say? I should say this right? Well, what if I, if I say this, they'll say that? If I do this, and they'll do that?
Unknown Speaker 32:27
vicious cycle?
Monique Russell 32:28
And so we are not exercising our inner confidence to say, Hmm, I'm operating at full capacity. I don't want to do this. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel good. Or I'm struggling with this. And I need some help. And you're asking me to have this done by Friday? Here are the five projects I'm working on? Which one do you want me to scale back on. So it's really the inner confidence, which again, you can't work on that by yourself. And then having the tools, the language, the tools, and the confidence to really enforce those boundaries, not just that work, because we are one whole person. So if you are a boundary list person at work, chances are you are boundary lists at home and boundary lists with your family as well. So it's the it's the emotional awareness, the self awareness so that you're not making decisions in a fog. And when I say fog, I mean, fear, obligation and guilt. Anytime you feel obligated, I don't want to come in on the weekend. I just but I have to, you know, you've you or you feel guilty. You know, she did this for me. So I have to do this for her. And you know, or you are afraid anytime you are making or leading with decisions out of those emotions. They are self sabotaging.
Aisha Suleiman 33:55
Hmm, yep. I like that. And what I've also noticed is, as you said, on the boundary list thing, people who lack boundaries or aren't able to enforce their boundaries, they have a strong reaction when you enforce yours. So like people, for example, who don't have boundaries around their time, you know, people that, you know, would just come to you and say, Hey, can we have a meeting right now? And you're like, I planned my whole day. I have things to do. When you sort of react in a way that you're like, No, actually, we can have a meeting another time. They usually can't take it because for them, it's like, oh, well, I would just drop everything and focus on this. So how come people are dropping everything to just focus on this thing that I've asked them to do?
Monique Russell 34:39
Yeah, so that that's that's with unrealistic expectations or having the expectation or belief that everyone operates the way that you operate. So when you have more awareness you gotta have this awareness about yourself. Then you will be able to see and embrace and appreciate the differences that others have. It's not easy. But definitely you will be stronger and more effective. And when you're stronger and more effective, people tend to want to work with you and want to be around you, when they are able to see that, wow. You can enforce boundaries, or you can share boundaries. There's nothing more frustrating than someone who is stringing you along or unable to really speak up for themselves and silently, silently expecting that anyone knows what's going on. I had a lady before would say, I'm working 80 hours a week, and I'm staying up till 3am in the morning, and how do they know that? Yeah, how do they know that? And who cares? Who cares? Who cares? They are having their own stress and troubles at work. And it's your job to put yourself in the driver's seat. Nobody is going to come and spoon feed and oh my god, are you sure you're having trouble? You're working 80 hours and you're staying up till three, you don't have a problem. You have a problem? Nobody's going to do that. Yes, you'll have some lucky leaders who are observant, aware and proactive to help you. But it's your job to put yourself in the driver's seat, learn about yourself, learn about other people, and then use the use your voice like really use your voice.
Aisha Suleiman 36:34
Absolutely. And the reason why no one knows you're working till 3am is because they're all asleep.
Monique Russell 36:41
Yes, yes. But you're over here. I didn't get this because they didn't know I'm killing myself. That's not what you signed up for. But it's this thing that you have in your mind that you have to keep saying yes. And taking on more and someone's gonna recognise you. And that's just not true. A good portion of how you navigate at work is not about just performance. In fact, it's your relationship and your communication skills.
Aisha Suleiman 37:11
Absolutely. I love that. All right, Monique, let's talk about money. My favourite topic. So you know, negotiating things like salaries can be a really tricky conversation. Do you have any tips on how to negotiate your salary? You know, what are some of the tools and like word sentences you can use when when negotiating salaries. So say for example, let's say in an interview context, right, I've gone for a job interview. They're offering me let's say, 100k. And I was expecting something more like 150,000? How should I saw that sort of approach that?
Monique Russell 37:46
Well, I will say, negotiations is not my area of expertise. So that's number one. But if you aren't getting what you expected, and they've already countered, I mean, it's it's never too late. But I would say you want to do your work on the front end. So make sure that you do your research, make sure that you speak to people who are in the role. And don't just look at the money as the only thing that can be negotiated, look at other other things to negotiate as well. So it could be your vacation time, it could be your time off, it could be your remote flexibility, although these days everybody's working remotely. So you know, that's not really a big deal. But without having, I would say the front end information. It's kind of hard to do after the fact.
Aisha Suleiman 38:47
Yeah. And and I think that's why I love you know Glassdoor and even LinkedIn has salary insights now. So you can actually see how much you can expect, you know, from the low end average to the high. So yeah, I agree with you on doing that research.
Monique Russell 39:02
Yeah. And so and then once you do that research, it's a matter of your positioning. It's a matter of how you position yourself, again, thinking about your audience, understanding what's important to them, negotiation is about Win win. And I know a lot of people have the mindset that it's about, you know, win, lose, someone has to lose, and someone has to come out on top. But negotiations are truly about Win win. It's about finding where we can both come and walk away feeling whole and feeling complete. If one side feels slighted. You know, it's it's more of a manipulation and as opposed to a win win. So for women who are negotiating, understanding what you're bringing to the table, understanding what their needs are, and really outlining your story. I think a lot of women tend to struggle putting their career story or putting their achievements and accomplishments in a way that the person that is on the other end can say, Man, this is serious value. And so positioning it in a way, where they are able to see the gaps in their own offer, before they make you that offer will be a way to come in strong.